I'll tell you what I've done. I've gone and registered on a website that I don't belong on and yet... cannot bring myself to leave.

I'm sure most of my watchers have not heard of Abaissé, or if they have, are not interested. (Because in all honesty I can't remember who is watching me.... SORRY!) That being said... I love Abaiseé to pieces, it's full of wonderful, creative, talented, and well-read people. That's just the trouble.

I didn't read the threads. I read the rules, I read all the stickies, I carefully made sure that I didn't break a rule (because that is ANATHEMA for me) and carefully posted an intro, trying to display the best of my intellectual ability (and that was a fail-post... oh heaven...) and avoid saying something that was just STUPID and bound to get me a huge reprimand. But I didn't read the actual THREADS.

I can't compare to these people. I don't know half of what they know, only what was given to me by M. Hugo. I can't quote the Brick, I don't know the inspirations for the characters, I don't even know where to begin looking, I don't know the significance of street names or riot locations or where they stuck this barricade for that year or why it's so damn funny that this character says/does this or why this person would have studied about this one and all the little details that come along. I just don't know it.

I mean, yes I'd look up a little detail every now and again... the year that chloroform became prominent in medical use, the invention of hypodermic needles, the date of the invention of the guillotine... but... never like this. I'm surrounded by encyclopedias and I have no idea where to even begin.

And I'm terrified to even mention to anyone how behind I feel. Gosh, I feel like the Mary-Sue writing, stick-figure drawing ninth grader surrounded by college graduates with art degrees and doctorates in European History.

...why didn't I just pay attention in 10th grade...?